i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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