At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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