It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
