i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
