Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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