A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
