He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
