these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
