There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
home. puking in laundry basket.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize