Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
