Whod you bang
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
