and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
