Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
