My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
