I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
