So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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