just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
