Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
