is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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