3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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