My first STD was from a foam party
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
