i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
