I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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