I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
