We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize