lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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