did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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