can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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