Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
