My first STD was from a foam party
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
