Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
