I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
