i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
