I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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