she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize