ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
