the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize