You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
