Just fell off a train. Bad.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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