I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
