Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
