never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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