hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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