Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
