i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
