I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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