FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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