the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
