The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
