Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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