Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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