well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize