Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
