She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
