last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize