Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
