i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
