3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize