so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
