Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
