I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
