He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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