So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
