Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
whose ass print is on the piano?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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