last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
