i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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