And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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