I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
