i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
