I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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