if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
