ugly people sure do ruin things
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
