The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
