ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
