Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
