Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
