Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
