You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Come on in and take your pants off
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