the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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